Two Weeks

Tomorrow marks two weeks without my best little friend, my little Biscuit pal. It’s been a rough time, trying to learn to live without him.

It’s hard for me to express where I am in dealing with his loss, as it changes so much from moment to moment, hour to hour. I’ve had hours when I cannot leave my bed, and minutes of laughter tinged with sadness. I’ve enjoyed a good movie or two, and missed my friend every moment. It’s an exercise in duality, really.

Sunday, D & I leave for Belgium. He’s going there for his every-other-month trip, and this time I just couldn’t stay home alone. I hate to be without Lanty, who has been such a comfort, but he will be with mom, who is just about the best caretaker we could ask for, so we know he’ll be okay.

I’m not taking my computer; just some DVDs and a notebook. I’m going to try to reacquaint myself with pen and paper and what it is I want out of my life. I’m going to try to spend some time remembering Kokoro full of life and zest, and not in those last terrible, precious moments I’ll never forget. I’m going to try to learn to live with this grief, instead of letting it take over.

But, oh, I miss my pal. There really aren’t words in our language for what pets bring to our lives, and that’s part of the problem. He wasn’t my child; calling him a fur-child is cute, but still doesn’t really cover it. He was my friend, but more than that. He was part of our family, and one of my dearest loves. I miss him so.