Otherwise
I’m in one of those ballad moods. I’ve gone from Ella Fitzgerald to a couple of slow Dixie Chicks tunes to Chicago’s more dreary selections.
Dreary is such a good word.
But, I’m not deep down depressed. I’m tired. I’m quiet. I’m slow. Like a good ballad.
we’ve come too far to leave it all behind…
Good Al-anon meeting Monday. It got me thinking a lot about negativity, gossip, my general pessimism. When I look back on my growing up, I remember very little unconditional positive stuff coming at me. Especially after my maternal grandmother died (a trauma I’m still feeling). I think this overall negative mindset has carried on into my adult life. I wonder if I don’t believe, in some warped place, that gossip, bitchiness, and overall negativity are the normal and only ways to relate with and react to someone?
This is not to say that I am negative and mean to the people with whom I relate on a daily basis – quite the opposite, I assure you.
But there’s so much more going on beneath the surface.
I’m beginning to see the value of another AA slogan: trace it, face it, and erase it.
Now it’s Thursday morning (the above having been written Wednesday), and I’m in a belting mood. On the way to the train station, in the ten minutes I get each morning in my car, I belted Whitney Houston, and a funky shrieker (“I Don’t Wanna Be Alone”) from the School Daze soundtrack. Both of these numbers are part of a mix tape I made in eighth grade (!) that I’m lucky enough to still own.
So, I’m feeling belt-y. Probably in part because I’ve been seriously researching area vocal instruction, and just the hope of singing regularly – outside my car – has me flying high.
I also heard a fabulous profile of Sam Cooke on NPR this morning, which reminded me that a smooth voice and lyrics from the soul can live forever. I worry sometimes about my legacy. I want to create one.
The roller coaster of alcoholism continues its ups and downs with our family. Today may be a turning point; it may not. All we can do is support, wait, detatch, live our lives.
somehow I saw you as a weakness
I thought I had to be strong
oh but I was young, I was scared
I was wrong
Thanks for dropping by. I'm Meg, and I write offbeat stories about media and the culture that shapes us.
Confess, you were belting Come On Eileen, too weren’t you? I’m telling you, the No Doubt version rocks. Gwen does it justice.
Interesting observations/insights about negativity up there – I honestly can’t relate to tthe childhood part of that, since I had just so much positive, unconditional reinforcement as a kid. Wish I could spill of mine over on you. >splash!<
I’ve been feeling belt-y lately, too. Sing with me!
I feel belt-y when I listen to Neko Case, especially her later stuff.
It sounds like you are making some good progress with Al-Anon. I am proud of you for taking responsibility as usual. *hug*
It’s been a really long time since my last Al-anon meeting. I learned so much about codependence, enablement and “tough love.” Good stuff if you have a good group. You’ll have to fill me in on the meetings and what they do…it will be interesting to hear what another group does.
Take care!
I think you were dancing along to vintage Cyndi Lauper.
*mwah*