nobody’s fool since 1974

Thinking of my Biscuit Pal. He left this earth four years ago today but he has never left my heart.
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I get to study film, kids! Oh my gosh oh my gosh.

Since finally kick-assing my way to my BA two years ago, I’ve had some more book learning in mind. But with my immense student loans staring me in the face and the lean couple of years we’ve had, taking on more educational debt has not seemed like the best idea.

And then I got a job at DePaul, which cracked the door on those ambitions a little.

And I got a full-time job at DePaul which kicked the door wide open.

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With every broken heart, we should become more adventurous.

When Lanty was diagnosed with that darned Lymphona last summer, I felt, momentarily anyway, the solidity of life drop right out from under me. There was very little that could make it seem right again.  Lanty was the third leg of our little three-legged family.  For last, oh, ten years or so, whenever would get that pesky inquiry, “when are you going to start a family?” we’d always say, at least to each other, “we ARE a family. You, me, and Lant.” Our family, defined.  Now, our family was going to change. And the ground on which I stood turned to mud, mushy and slippery. Would I fall in it? Would my shoes get ruined?

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The rescue chemo held back the tumor for a week, but it raged back, growing to three times its size in two weeks. It took his ability to eat, to enjoy being touched, to breathe comfortably. He left us when he knew we were taken care of, when Derek assured him that he would be okay without his little boy. He left us quietly, gently, with the dignity that he always embodied.

Our story.
A eulogy.

We’re exhausted and so very sad. But. We have the peace of knowing we did everything we could. We have Lanty’s love, forever.

Bad news today. Feeling sort of horrible and exhausted and uncomprehending. The last being ridiculous because it’s not like we didn’t know this was coming. Especially after the recurrence of the cancer in January.

But, oh, that does not make it one bit easier. Not one bit.